the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
