As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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