Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
