My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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