I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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