I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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