My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
