A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
