Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
