Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
