It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
