Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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