Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
