i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
