i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
