Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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