she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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