worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
