Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
