so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
