But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
