she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
