woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
