i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What drink are we having for lunch?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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