I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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