I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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