cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
