respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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