I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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