capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
