i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
