they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
