last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
