I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
