My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
