Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
