Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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