kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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