Kiss
Puke
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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