That's intense
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
