I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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