I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
