I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
