threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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