ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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