He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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