So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
