See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
