i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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