i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
