I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
