Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
